My Skinny Sexy Self

I recently took the course Sex & Money, which truly was a compliment to the Course Dances with Shadow (ExcellenceNW.org).
I believe... the shadow I've been hiding is my Skinny Sexy Self. Sexy used to be a term people used to describe me like they use cheerful now ... except then although I was good-natured; I wasn't cheerful; I was tipsy to drunk. For years, alcohol gave me courage to move forward as I shared my mind with constant shame & fear.
In 2004, I quit drinking. I've felt like rose bloom who's tried to become a bud again, for fear of not knowing how to own/stand-in my own power. I have been playing it 'small' in my personal life - trying not to be seen - trying to blend in - gaining weight, stopping my hips from swaying, not wearing jewelry, seldom wearing makeup, wearing big clothes - systematically hiding from who I am physically and emotionally.
And it worked … for what I needed. It kept me safe until I was able to do the work: to know myself better; to face my fears; to release the skeletons from the closet; to see myself at my core - for who I am, to accept myself at that place, to love myself more today than ever before.
I know now that my unknowing and fear is what attracted men who took advantage, abused and tormented me - I have relived my formative relationships over & over.  I see my actions in my results, actions that no longer serve me.
Hello World! Here I come ;)