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Teen Series, Part 1
The teenage mind is the result of all that it sees by example of the contrast of its environment, and the teen mind is exposed to many things along its path. Much of what the teenager has seen over time is now part of their truths about life.
When a teenager states that you, the parent, simply do not understand them, you need to understand that from their perspective this is the truth, and the reason they say you do not understand is because they hold a belief that you do not. They see that what you say and do is not part of what they believe.
For example, you as a parent may know through your life’s examples and understanding that drugs are not something one would like to dabble with since you have seen the destructive nature of the intoxicant.
The teen, however, may have been exposed to the use of drugs where it has been viewed as acceptable and may have even seen some of their friends’ parents partake in the use of drugs. This example becomes a truth even though you, the parent, have never condoned the use of any intoxicant.
You can try--as you do try--to persuade your teenager to see the truth you hold, but if the teenager is partaking in this behavior and does not want to shift their belief, then you will be up against a resistant force and that will trigger a reaction you do not want--a reaction of anger.
Drugs are one example, yet are the same as most other examples when it comes to your truth compared to the teenager’s truth. This is a case of will against will, and as a parent it frustrates you. You know your truth is quite often out of concern for the teenager’s safety.
If you are dealing now with a situation of anger against anger and both parties are frustrated with the other, then you, the parent, need to understand that this did not develop overnight; it was long in coming and you have missed many signs along the way. Your teenager did not form the truths they hold in a day and will not let go of them in a day.
A teen will look at their self-image and if the image they see is overweight, then the teen, if exposed to a method of purging and will purge to gain control of the self-image. Once the truth concerning purging works and the weight is under control, the teen adopts this as a truth and continues to purge.
Months of some behaviors can go unnoticed by a parent, only coming to the parent’s attention when a larger, more out-of-control event happens. This sudden awareness by the parent triggers a reaction from the teen because the teen was happy being unnoticed in regards to the addiction to a behavior.
When the parent reaches out in concern for the teen, trying to gain control, the teen pulls away since they have worked hard to maintain the control they have achieved. The teenager is not about to relinquish control of the truths they have formulated out of the contrast of what they have seen others do.
A war of separation is born and the law of resistance comes into play. One will resist while the other persists and then the other will persist while the other resists and this ongoing cycle of wills bangs you against each other, so to speak.
Have you noticed that trying to control another’s will does not work? It never will; free will is law and it is always there to grasp if you choose to use it. A teenager knows this to be true and can stand in defiance of it based on this truth alone.
Anger is a form of communication that is learned over the time. The child learns as it grows and is exposed to the wide variety of examples around it that can be displayed in both audio and visual RE-ACTIONS.
The parent’s re-action to the teen’s action creates a destructive chain of attractions; the Law of Attraction kicks into full manifestation as the heightened emotions of both parties become vibration and the vibration is read as their asking for more of what they are experiencing. The reason for this is because the attention to the topic, combined with heightened emotion, is the quickest way to manifest anything you contemplate.
The teen displays more anger because the parent does not see their perspective and the truths regarding their plight. The parent, who only wants to guide, stands in a wake of angry situations.
STOP! STOP WHERE YOU ARE.
You cannot bend the will but you can cooperate with it.
The first step is support and support means that you need to be empathetic to the teen’s belief system, and if you ask what that is, in time your teen will want to crosscheck their beliefs with yours. You need to earn their trust and to do that, you have to allow the teen to show you their truths. Your teen will want to share them with you because that is what they have always wanted to do.
If you have been an example of pain, your child may have that tucked away with a belief tied to it. Along with that belief is its counterpart emotion--the trigger to every re-action.
When the teen feels that YOU, the parent is not there to change their belief system, you have the opportunity to inspire new thought. The teenager always considers new thought, especially when they know that it is given just as that--another’s perspective on the issue. Then they listen and cannot help but run it through the current belief system.
The best example of good thought is achieved by being the example to the very thing you are suggesting. Visual examples are seen as truths, so if both parents are fighting for any reason and leaning on assorted forms of communication, the teenager will see that display of the truth about how one may communicate.
A common example of this is slamming doors. This can be seen in a wide variety of media productions and is taken as a truth about what a slamming door means. It means, “I am angry, and I shut you out!”
This to the teenager, and unfortunately also to many adults and exposed children, is a truth and we are all are guilty of it at some time or another.
The person on the other side RE-ACTS as they do not like being blocked out and whatever the reaction is, it is again seen as another truth by the teen.
As a parent, your job is to integrate into the teen’s thinking that there are better ways to communicate. You achieve this by being the example of acceptable ways to communicate, because if it is not seen by the teenager, they do not form a truth about it.
Parents look at all of this from a strange viewpoint. They say, “Why is this happening? I do not know how to deal with this.” They may RE-ACT previous actions to gain control.
However, you gain control by inspiring--not by re-acting. You want to encourage new truths, and your teen wants to look for better options within their right to practice free will.
•Are you pushing away your teen, or drawing them toward you?
•Are you attracting more of the same or intending with positive expectation?
•Are you providing a contrast of all you don’t want for your child?
Why is there anger? It is communication, and in most cases you do not hear what they are saying. If you cannot hear, then you cannot find a solution since you have no understanding, and that is the teenager’s truth.
Listen and understand their point of view, encourage and inspire them; be the example and attract more of what you want for your teen.
