I believe you truly love this girl. This girl that twists you. That hates you when you love her. That loves you when you've had enough.
You know, all the rumors cannot be false. That much suspicion has some kind of foundation.
You give up everything to be there for her. I am glad and proud that you are loyal, but you must ask yourself to what kind of person should you be loyal to?
She makes you hurt at every special occasion. Why would someone who loves you treat you this way? I ask myself the same about you.
With Love,
Mom
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
My Heart Breaks
Wow,
I am amazed at the hate you show me. Walking around using the F-word. Calling me hateful, hurtful names. Screaming you've always hated me. I cannot believe how you talk to me. I have never said the things to my parents that you have said to me. I would not have dared. I knew it was wrong then. I know it is wrong now.
You've given up football because the coach is stupid. You quit trying in school, because your teachers are stupid. You hate me because I am stupid.
How my heart breaks to watch you do these things to yourself. This is your senior year. You should be living it up and getting on with it. But, you don't. You blame everyone but yourself for the way your life is going. Life is a series of choices. And every choice has a consequence.
I am amazed when I think about your skewed reality. You want a car so you can go "to the clubs". But you are not old enough to go to the clubs. Without a job, how will you afford gas, insurance, and oil? This is just one of the many questions I hope you ask yourself.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
With love, Mom
I am amazed at the hate you show me. Walking around using the F-word. Calling me hateful, hurtful names. Screaming you've always hated me. I cannot believe how you talk to me. I have never said the things to my parents that you have said to me. I would not have dared. I knew it was wrong then. I know it is wrong now.
You've given up football because the coach is stupid. You quit trying in school, because your teachers are stupid. You hate me because I am stupid.
How my heart breaks to watch you do these things to yourself. This is your senior year. You should be living it up and getting on with it. But, you don't. You blame everyone but yourself for the way your life is going. Life is a series of choices. And every choice has a consequence.
I am amazed when I think about your skewed reality. You want a car so you can go "to the clubs". But you are not old enough to go to the clubs. Without a job, how will you afford gas, insurance, and oil? This is just one of the many questions I hope you ask yourself.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
With love, Mom
Friday, October 3, 2008
Just for Today
Being a mother has been the most wonderful, exciting, and challenging experience in my life.
I am a single mother. You are my life. You say, "No, work has been your life, mom. It's all about your job."
But, that is a superficial view. Up until the past year or so, work has only been a means of providing. I work because that is what needs to be done. In a world, where it takes 2 incomes to support a family, I tried to cover both bases.
I did not work for the love of working. Although, I made it seem so. It was self-preservation. To work a 40 to 60 hour a week, week-in and week-out, year-in and year-out, day after day, to not get sick & tired I do these things...
Every morning as I feel myself waking, I thank God for another day. I put a smile on my face (even if I have to force it) and say, out-loud, "Oh Yay, today is going to be a great day." And I get up and get on with it. I find that on hard days faking-it-till-you-make-it works.
I worked as hard as I did because it provided shelter and warmth in a safe neighborhood for you to grow. It meant we could live across from a baseball field, a few blocks from the basketball court, close to other families where you could make friends, whose mother did not have to work.
I worked only for you. So we did not have to be on welfare. Not that welfare is bad. Even working two jobs, we still qualified for medical and food stamps.
We lived within our means. I only bought what we could afford. I spent any extra money on the equipment & gear you need for the 4 to 5 sports you played every year.
We are at different point than ever before.
You are a senior in High School and almost 18. You tell me you are ready to take on the world, I am in the way, but would I still to make your lunch. You call me horrible names and tell your friends and their parents how bad you have it. It seems that daily, my heart breaks. I've ruined your life in yet another way. And in your fight to be a "grown-up" you try to destroy "my control over you".
I do not want to control you. I do not want you to be unhappy. It makes no difference to me if you are a Pro Football player or wash cars, as long as you are happy.
I do want to teach you. I want you to learn to do the next-right-thing, even if it's hard. I want to accomplish your goals. I want you to have goals. I want you to understand that life is what you make of it, that being unhappy is a choice, that life does not "happen to you".
I want you to do - whatever you choose - to the best of your ability.
This is your life. Today if the 1st day of the rest of your life.
High School only matters until the day after graduation. You are right, you won't remember all the stuff you were 'forced' to learn in chemistry. Calculus won't matter until you find a reason to apply it. I believe school has functions beyond the classroom. I think school teaches you: how to get up every morning; how to follow instructions; how to accomplish goals; how to do the next right thing. It is the jump-off point to the rest of your life.
You can be and do whatever you choose. You can choose different daily. I pray that you realize that it is no longer me that is in charge. You are in charge and blaming me for how your choices work out has never worked and will work less for you in the future.
All my love, Mom
I am a single mother. You are my life. You say, "No, work has been your life, mom. It's all about your job."
But, that is a superficial view. Up until the past year or so, work has only been a means of providing. I work because that is what needs to be done. In a world, where it takes 2 incomes to support a family, I tried to cover both bases.
I did not work for the love of working. Although, I made it seem so. It was self-preservation. To work a 40 to 60 hour a week, week-in and week-out, year-in and year-out, day after day, to not get sick & tired I do these things...
Every morning as I feel myself waking, I thank God for another day. I put a smile on my face (even if I have to force it) and say, out-loud, "Oh Yay, today is going to be a great day." And I get up and get on with it. I find that on hard days faking-it-till-you-make-it works.
I worked as hard as I did because it provided shelter and warmth in a safe neighborhood for you to grow. It meant we could live across from a baseball field, a few blocks from the basketball court, close to other families where you could make friends, whose mother did not have to work.
I worked only for you. So we did not have to be on welfare. Not that welfare is bad. Even working two jobs, we still qualified for medical and food stamps.
We lived within our means. I only bought what we could afford. I spent any extra money on the equipment & gear you need for the 4 to 5 sports you played every year.
We are at different point than ever before.
You are a senior in High School and almost 18. You tell me you are ready to take on the world, I am in the way, but would I still to make your lunch. You call me horrible names and tell your friends and their parents how bad you have it. It seems that daily, my heart breaks. I've ruined your life in yet another way. And in your fight to be a "grown-up" you try to destroy "my control over you".
I do not want to control you. I do not want you to be unhappy. It makes no difference to me if you are a Pro Football player or wash cars, as long as you are happy.
I do want to teach you. I want you to learn to do the next-right-thing, even if it's hard. I want to accomplish your goals. I want you to have goals. I want you to understand that life is what you make of it, that being unhappy is a choice, that life does not "happen to you".
I want you to do - whatever you choose - to the best of your ability.This is your life. Today if the 1st day of the rest of your life.
High School only matters until the day after graduation. You are right, you won't remember all the stuff you were 'forced' to learn in chemistry. Calculus won't matter until you find a reason to apply it. I believe school has functions beyond the classroom. I think school teaches you: how to get up every morning; how to follow instructions; how to accomplish goals; how to do the next right thing. It is the jump-off point to the rest of your life.
You can be and do whatever you choose. You can choose different daily. I pray that you realize that it is no longer me that is in charge. You are in charge and blaming me for how your choices work out has never worked and will work less for you in the future.
All my love, Mom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)